So basically, during the time I was seeking my first Therapist, I also hooked up with what was to become my ex-husband. I met him when I was 18. Strangly enough, the Therapist I was seeing was telling me he was bad news and I shouldn't date him. Well, being the rebelous, know it all 18 year old I was, I knew better! (DAMMIT!)
So I decided that it was more important to date him the see a Therapist and quit therapy...first of many bad choices.
He was already hiding his late night parting from me in that first year we were together. He was lying about where he was going and what he was doing. He always told me I was controlling and a bitch and that all his friends said he should leave me.....funny, I'm not perfect but I certainly didn't appreceiate being lied to right to my face (this would be a common theme in my life). Especially since I took such a strong stance on NOT drinkning! I think I was the only 20 year old who hadn't even gotten drunk once yet!
I guess I just didn't want to see it or beleive it. On one hand I was just so happy that I had someone to "love" me and who I could call my own...on the other hand, it made me so mad to think that he could lie right to my face. Then again, I just sat there and took it!
That relationship was quite a roller coaster! I came to only know extreme ups and downs. His drinking made him erratic and uncontrolable! He got into fights with people, chased people down, yelled and screamed at me. He would call me every name in the book and for years I thought "well he might say these mean things but he loves me, this is what love is. You stand by someone no matter what." Thanks Mom for THAT lesson! Coulda taught that one differently!
After dating for 8 years, he asked me to marry him. And being a 20 something...the only thing you usually want to do is get married. So I said yes, stupidly! He became more controlling almost immediatly. I guess he felt that becuase there was a ring on my finger he "owned" me and I was now property. I was NO angel, don't get me wrong. But I did love him with all my heart and everyday...hoped he would change for the better.
My family all loved him. They thought he was wonderful and charming and sweet to me...YEAH IN PUBLIC! But behind closed doors it was so different, he was so different. He would change into a totally different person. Mean and nasty, made me feel like I was nothing to anyone! He never once put his arm around me and said "everyting is going to be okay, I will take care of you". He lacked the ability to love and be loved. He was cold and didn't know that you could touch and hold someone without the act of sex. This was a BIG problem for us! Now looking back, all the signs were LOUD AND CLEAR that this marraige would not have lasted anyway!
No comments:
Post a Comment