August 20, 2011-Thoughts

I should be laying out my history before adding my thoughts, but I just can't help myself!

Yesterday I took out my 72 Chevelle, washed it, cleaned it up good then took it down to my "guy" to give it a look see for reliability. After a clean bit of health and some oo's and ah's from some patrons of the petrol station, I was off.

A couple of things came to mind as the 350 was roaring along and I saw a bunch of thumbs up from gent's in pickup trucks (yes I live in the country)......who am I really and why is it so hard for me to have a successful meaningful relationship?

I guess the main thing I though of was...how many 39 year old women have Muscle Cars that rival some of the guy's out there? I would think that would be a novelty to any guy. Thinking deeper about it, it simply says that I have the balls to be who I want to be! I'm loud, make a statement when I walk in a room and am NOT afraid to be in my skin at all! Perhaps, THIS is what tends to scare men away. Hmmmm?

I will now always stick up for myself in a relationship. If I think something is going on, I'm going to call you out on it. I might give you one chance, two chances, but on that third one....that's it! And I WILL CALL YOU OUT ON IT! I'm no some little 20 something who buys the "lines" that most guys give out. Two times in my life I've heard the "I"m going to join the army and go over seas". My ex-husband gave me that line back in the early 90's when he wanted to test the "seas" of other women. And just recently I was given the same line again. However, don't think that the person who dealt it out knew that I had heard it before. Poor thing!

I think that life is hard enough going at it alone, when you are in a relationship it does complicate things in some ways. If you are not ready for a commitment, then make that known! Some people are okay with open relationships, some are not. But I believe that honesty is the way to go either way. No one wants to be in a relationship and think it's one thing and find out almost a year later that it was something totally else for the other person.

The last relationship I had I thought was perfect! I had enough "me" time (I'm big about each person in a realstionship being and individual as well as coming together as a couple), when I saw him I treated him like a king! Massages, good meals, baths, attention...you name it! And I did it out of my heart, becuase I wanted him to feel as special as he made me feel by his kind words and constant texting. For me, the relationship was enough! It was what I needed and what I was looking for all my life! I was honest and faithful and commited to his happiness....why, becuase I loved him unconditionally!

I wasn't looking for someone to financially support me or anything. I come in with my own home, 2 cars and a nice retirement plan thank you! All I needed was someone to love me uncondtionally! I thought this would be a treat for any man! No pressure to support someone and take on thier debt! I guess I was wrong!

I think that it must be hard for single men in thier mid-30's to come to grips with the fact that they are torn between a different piece of ass every other month and settling down with that soft place to land who will nurture them and take care of them. The pull of the single life is just too much for some guys I guess. I get it, I've been single (am single though my previous relationship never "offically" ended! LOL!) It is exciting to have a new partner, experence different things and it is exciting. But that soon wears down and off again onto the next. There comes a certain time in life (and this time I do mean age) that that gets washed out. I don't see myself at 39 sitting in bars or picking up men online to just have fun with for a few weeks and get out of them what I can. That makes me an old, washed up bitch and I think ages you faster! I've had my share of 20 something men that I've been with...it's a lot to keep up with! For men, I beleive that the realization comes a bit later. Eventually, picking up the 20 somethings who will spend money on you and lavish you with things will end. For them too, it gets hard to keep up with. Won't be so easy....and then what...you're alone and watching all your married friends moving on with thier lives.

I personally am not looking to getting married again, and as far as kids, not even a thought in my mind without a dedicated, commited relationship. I think kids are the product of the love between two adults who want to create something to symbolize that love and commitment. It's a beautiful thing! I don't think they are just something to do because you're "at that age"  or because society says that you get married and have kids, that's what you do. I don't buy it!

So more then a lesson, let me leave you with this:
MEN: What is it exactly that you are looking for in life as far as a relationship goes?
WOMEN: How many faults are you willing to put up with and deal with before you put an end to what you think is the perfect relationsip?